One of the questions I get often from my single friends is, "how did you fight your desires?" Lets be real, I was not a virgin yet I was reclaiming my virginity. Hence the title of this blog. The only thing that got me through was my daily time with God, and I kept all my writings. Here is one I want to share with you, and I pray it helps. It was written in 2011 and it resonated loudly on my approach for 2019. FIX THE FIGHT "For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. " Galatians 5:17 I read a horrifying article of a man who raised dogs to fight. Over time his dog fighting events gained popularity and gamblers were coming in from all over to place their bets on what dog would win. Even the mastermind behind the horrifying scheme had managed to make a pretty penny on fixing the matches so he always won. But how do you...

  With the Holiday's upon us I was looking at my journal entries during the holiday seasons of my single life.  I remember how I felt in the moment I wrote it. I was the girl watching my girlfriends get engaged, get married, buying their first home together with the man of their dreams, post pictures kissing the love of their life and I was stagnant.  In the moment it all made me feel like I did so much wrong, I wasn't worthy of such happiness. As I read the pages I can't help but reflect on the pain I felt that I would be alone forever. On most day's I was content with the single life, but during the holidays.... I was a hot mess and didn't hide it well.    When I looked at the date stamp of my journal entry, it was the year where my kids all had found a love interest. So now all this romance and laughter of being in love infiltrated my "single fortress of solitude."   Single mom's are known to be super hero's in their kids eyes, but in t...

Ever been rejected? Its not a good feeling at all. Especially if your really into someone. But what if you're not that into them. I was at the gym and I ran into a friend from high school. He definitely looked better than he did in High school. Back in the day, he was on the fluffy side with a bad attitude that definitely took away from what could've been boyish charm. So here we are, adults, face to face at the gym. He is no longer the cranky chubster I remember, he is tall, stocky and handsome. Needless to say Greg's smile could stop a dental marketing rep in their tracks. He looked like he belonged on Colgate Ad and he knew it, so he smiled big. You couldn't help but smile back when he smiled at you. You could have this horrendous day and find yourself depressed but if you run into Greg you would smile and question yourself after, why were you smiling so much. His smile was contagious. He followed me to the elliptical machine where I proceeded to my work ou...

Your only as sick as your secrets and I have one sick secret. Its easy to share the testimonies of the past where you are the victim, but what if you're not the victim? What if you were the one who brought forth the hurt? What if your the one that caused all the chaos and scandal in your home? Is there room for those stories in the church? Or do we all sit and focus on the victims and band together as victims. I always turn to Romans 8 in moments where I am brought to a place where I have to revisit this place. I thought this past weekend I was going to share my testimony about my childhood trauma and how it messed me up but then I heard a story of a scandal in a church and I paused, I listened, and I was scared to share. Let me explain. We all sat on the couch sharing pieces of our soul. Just a girls getaway and we bonded. Then one girl spoke of how in the area a church divided due to an affair the Pastor was having. Everyone spoke of all the parties involved that were vi...

Just last night I was talking to a good friend who said something very profound. "I was always chasing relationships, chasing love, I was tired. Then I heard the Holy  Spirit say, "Chase me and you will be chased". I wish I had the friends I have today back then. Resurrecting this blog of stories has shown me so much. How God molded me, how God saved me. God was in everything, but it wasn't till I got serious about chasing God that everything fell into place. Here is yet another story that you need to read. Again being the single person in the church everyone wants to play match maker. But this one was an odd one. My friend Gladys was playing cupid with her ex husband. She was divorced and had already remarried and had children with her new husband but had a friendship with her ex. I didn't think to ask why the divorce if they got along so well. Gladys and I went to the gym together like gym rats and we always talked and we both went to the same church...

You might think its funny but there is a lot of truth to this statement. I went to a birthday party and they had a bounce house. The bounce house was full of kids just jumping and having a great time, including all my nephew's and nieces. It was a perfect day for the adults to just chill while the kids were very distracted by this bounce house. Trust me when your a parent, this is a big deal. My kids are teenagers at this point but they know no age limit when it comes to acting like a fool in the bounce house. So I got in line to get my food with the rest of the child free adults and then my son popped out of nowhere, "Mom, can you serve me food" Now I love my children, but they rarely eat at birthday parties when there is so much fun going on. So I needed to know what happened. Something disturbed the force, and apparently my Jedi insights were off because I didn't see it coming. But I was ready to fight for "parent peace", so I made my way to the bou...

I normally post only once a week, but this came up in my time feed and I felt God pull at my heart to share.  “Grace means that all of your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame.” I love that saying; I really hope my shame serves a purpose. Because this post, will be shameful. I didn’t tell you how my first marriage ended.  I didn’t speak on it at all. And out of respect for my grown adult children I will be scarce in the information that I share because it is their father. I will in no way disrespect or disgrace him. We married way too young. I met him in a difficult moment in my life and he poured love into me, so much so that in my young naïve mind I had to keep it, and do all that I could to keep it. We were teenagers, I was only 15 years old when I got pregnant with our first child. The pressure he received being so young and having to provide for a family pushed him into a corner of fear. He like many others turned to the drink ...

You know the saying, “can’t change a man” and that’s true, but there are times where you hold on to the thought that you just might be able to.     We started as co-workers, ended up friends with all the laughing we did together then he asked me out on a date. How could I say no, it was like turning down the captain of the football team down, except Rick was not athletic. Actually he was cute, with olive complexion, curly black hair and probably measured about 5 feet 4 inches.   Now you know he was overly charming if a 5ft 7inch Latina was overlooking his height.   He just had a way about him, super charismatic and the life of any room.   At the time I met Ricky  I was teaching bible studies for the youth in my church and we were watching this video series called “The Truth Project”. If you haven’t seen it I highly recommend it. But there was this part in the series where they interviewed people of many different faiths  or no fai...

When your single people look at you like your a charity case. That sound's worse than what I mean. I mean, people want to help you. They meet other single people and before you know it they are trying to play cupid. Once they find one interest in common between two single friends the arrows are flying. The only thing wrong with that is that I am Latin, young and a single mom, which places me in a negative statistic category, for those who meet me for the first time. Don't be alarmed, its all right, I am the one saying it. But let anyone else say it and I will punch them in the jugular, I am NOT A STATISTIC. Strangers unfamiliar with me think I am either looking for a baby daddy, or I am looking for someone to ease my financial burden. So match making is not easy.  But then there are those who know you well and simply want you to be happy. So when they call you with a matchmaking ploy with a stranger that you might have something in common with, all my guards go up and...

I want a Christian Man! Well this one took me for a doozie. I really did love being single but every time I walked into church someone would say,  "Why hasn't someone snatched you up?" "Why are you still single"  "God is preparing a good husband for you"  Oh and every time I went to the altar for prayer people assumed that I was on my knees praying for a husband and they would stop me to say, "God told me to tell you he is coming sister" Little did they know I was praying for peace when I was at the altar. Being a single mom was rough, it was no walk in the park. My daughter thought I favored my son, and my son thought I favored my daughter. Both responded to things differently which was exhausting. But at the end of the day I really wanted to raise my children to be educated, well balanced believers. I say well balanced because I have run across my fair share of super judgmental believers who walk arrogantly and prideful ...